Getting real about Relationships 3

We have the power to bring out the best in one another – we just need to know how to do it.
Sadly when it comes to gender issues, we spend too much time trying to undo what God has done.
•    God made us Male & female and when we attempt to change those gender differences we actually create more problems.
•    When it comes to gender differences it’s not wrong it’s just different / it’s not dumb, it’s just different.
 ‘How to revive a tired relationship’
So many couples are physically & emotionally exhausted because they are working long hours in demanding jobs to support their affluent lifestyle.
It’s a relational disaster waiting to happen!!! Stress is a passion killer!!
 So if you want to revive your relationship you may need to start by bringing your individual stress levels down….  
•    and that could mean changing your life style but saving your marriage.
My view is that Women tend to carry the bulk of the stress when they have to juggle the role of being Home-maker, Mother and wage earner
•    And a sustained level of stress can turn a pleasant natured women into a negative individual who becomes sensitized to only see only what her Man is NOT doing
•    
•    But that just sets up a cyclic problem because her constant complaining only de-energizes him to do less because it makes him feel like a failure
Secondly, we need to keep reminding ourselves that the emotional needs of Men and Women are different and be pro-active in ministering to those needs.
Listen is the difference in the male & female emotional needs:
•    Deep inside every Man is a Knight in shining armour seeking a damsel in distress who will love him, and shower him with trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and encouragement

•    Deep inside every woman is a damsel in distress seeking a knight in shining armor who will love her, and shower her with caring, understanding, respect, devotion  and reassurance

•    Men love to have their abilities recognized and appreciated, and react badly when these are scorned or ignored

•    Women love to have their feelings recognized and appreciated, and react badly when these are scorned or ignored
Ok Ladies so how can you energize your Man to do more in the relationship?
The word of the Lord for you is ‘Ask and it shall be given to you’
Now I know having to ask him to do things for you is not very romantic but we have entitled this series ‘getting real about relationships’ and often a women’s’ romantic expectations of a Man are un-realistic
It seems ‘being romantic’ sort of goes like this : You don’t know what you want, but when he knows what you want and does it for you without you having to ask him…. that’s romantic
 Well that’s just tough for most guys and this is why:
Women are naturally more thoughtful of the needs of others than Men are
So in the marriage & family, one of a woman’s greatest challenges is to start caring for herself as much as she cares for others
So Ladies, your business is to help the man in your relationship be successful in making you happy.
Now that feels awkward for most women because they are more prone to sacrifice their own needs for the needs of others
So their thought process often goes like this : “Oh! I would love to go here or there …but he wouldn’t want to do that”
Yes you are probably right – he doesn’t want to do that but he does want to make you happy!!
So Ladies, let me remind that the major energising motivator for a Man in a relationship is…. the need to be needed
•    and nothing is going to motivate him more than the feeling that he is sacrificing for a noble cause
So Ladies, let him know that you know that he is sacrificing for you!!
 
 Now Men here is a tip for you when it comes to reviving your relationship :-
For Women ‘it’s the thought that counts’ so they are only counting the stuff that says you thought of them
So forget about doing big things once every couple of months that just says you don’t think of them very often
– doing little things every day that’s the way to go!!
And they don’t need to be expensive things ; they just need be things that say ‘I thought of you and you are special to me’

EXAMPLES :

• Go and find them so you can give them a ‘hello and goodbye’ hug

• A phone call or a text to see how her day is going

• Notice her hair, clothes, her new sparkly thingy ( that she spent hours trying to find) and say something nice about that  
  

• But the big thing is Listening – listening without telling her how dumb she is for feeling the way she does – this is huge and it costs you nothing!!!

Jesus gives us this brief but profound key to successful relationships when He said
Mark 12:31  'Love your neighbour in the same way you love your- self.' NIV
All our relationships are a reflection of our relationship with our self

• the way you treat others is a reflection of how you feel about yourself
  

• the struggle in our relationships is a reflection of the struggle in ourselves

So the best thing you can do for your marriage , children, friends, society is experience the wholeness of God in your own life

You are the best person when you are a whole person
So how do we receive our personal wholeness?

Luke 4:18
"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me; he has appointed me to preach Good News to the poor; he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted and to announce that captives shall be released and the blind shall see, that the downtrodden shall be freed from their oppressors, and that God is ready to give blessings to all who come to him."